Pastor Pirates

Living on the coast of San Luis Obispo halfway between Los Angeles and San Francisco is an idyllic setting that rivals the most beautiful places in the world. I mention that only to point to the incredible contrast between the scenery that can surround us on the exterior of our lives and the desert that can live within. Two years ago a group of my friends who were in ministry began meeting to create a Samson Society for pastors. We had no idea how that would change our lives. Because of the transformation that occurred in my heart, I have a burning desire (and I don’t use that idiom lightly) to see pastors around the country connect and form honest and open relationships with one another in their cities. I believe that when pastors start acting like the body of Christ in this way, the church will see a renewal like we have never seen before. Here are some of the lessons we learned over the past two years.

How does one go about starting a Pastor Pirate group? Obvious question for the pastor who has come to find themselves isolated in the middle of a congregation. What is not obvious is that years of planning and programming are working against you. Your first instinct will be to somehow promote and pitch this to other pastors in your area … won’t work. Trust me. Even if that tact did work, it wouldn’t work. What you need in the core of your being is genuine honest community, ie. relationships. You can’t program relationships. You enter relationships. So here are some possible steps to not program your meeting (ironic use of the English language intended).

STEP 1 “MAKE FRIENDS”: Get together with one or two of your close pastor friends from your town. Pause here for those that do not have any close pastor friends. STEP 1A: Make friends with one or two pastors from your town. In case you have been in ministry too long and you don’t remember how to do this, try inviting another pastor to coffee. Start a winsome conversation about real life. Avoid talking about your ministry because it will be altogether too hard for you to not lie and inflate the truth just a little and you are here to enter into an HONEST relationship. Talk about your family and your struggles. You don’t have to confess your deepest sins just yet, just be you. All of this may seem totally obvious and even inappropriate to write down, but I know in my life and the lives of most of my pastor friends, this is the hardest stuff. To just be. To not lead or try to manipulate the outcome of a conversation.. When you have a couple of pastor friends that you have met with on a regular basis for a while (with ever increasing honesty and trust being placed in them as to your heart level struggles) you are ready for step two.

STEP 2 “PITCH THE VISION”: Samson and the Pirate Monks is a key tool for this step. Each pastor you want to start this group with needs to read it and come to the place where they feel a heart tug leading them into this kind of brotherhood. I have met pastors who do not … and that’s ok. A Pastor Pirate group is not for everyone and we need to graciously let them off the hook. But after having your friends read the book, begin discussing whether or not they would be willing to commit to such a group. Pick a place and time. You will need at least two to two-and-a-half hours slotted for your meeting. We have found that most full time ministers prefer this to be during the day instead of adding to their night obligations.

STEP 3 “GO FISHING”: With your group of two or three friends, begin giving the book to other pastors that each of you know. You can start your meetings without them, or wait until you have your core and a couple of new initiates. The smaller the group is, the less you can structure your time. With four or less you will probably use the principles of the book without much structure at all. When you give another pastor the book, pitch the vision that you and your friends have for how this group will benefit your lives, families and ministries. This is no small offer you are making to these men, so make sure you communicate it as such. For this reason it is perhaps better to have your meeting going when you have these conversations. You will be able to express the actual value to you vs. the theoretical benefits.

STEP 4 “ORGANIZE YOUR MEETING”: We have tried at least five versions of meetings in our pastor group. Here is where we landed. First, we did not have a tight meeting with a scheduled meeting after the meeting. We blended the two for time’s sake. It didn’t work well. You will need an hour that is set aside to go through the process of the structured meeting. One member is picked to lead and we begin prayer and then a two to five minute update on our week is given by each member. About once a month we actually go through the spoken routine of the fact, the path, and the pact. You may want to do it each week. We have found it is more impacting when we keep it regular but not routine. The leader then picks a topic and we break up into groups of four or five and discuss the topic or anything else that is going on in our lives. When our time is up, the group reconvenes and we order pizza or go to lunch. We spend the last hour or so just hanging out.

Know this; almost every pastor you know will have a problem feeling justified in taking two or more hours a week for this. It will feel like they ought to be doing something productive. They may, as I did at first, feel that this is dishonoring to the people paying their salary through the tithes they give to God. I was wrong. First, we are talking about an hour + lunch, that is not unreasonable, with an added hour meeting with other pastors in your community. Looking at it from a time use perspective, there is absolutely no reason to feel this is an extravagant use of time. Looking at it from a heart perspective, anyone who would say that you are not being productive is a blind ass that has absolutely no right to speak into your ministry. In taking this time you are becoming a better pastor for them. You are protecting yourself from temptation. You are being encouraged to fight the good fight and not give up. You are dealing with practical issues within your ministry with those who have experience and insight into those very same issues. 2 ½ hours a week is a small price to pay to gain all of that benefit for you and your flock.

Make sure that when a new member joins your group, you stay very structured for the next few weeks so they get a feel for the group. Structure helps them feel a sense of safety. You may not notice it, but the longer your group meets, the more you will slip into very informal insider ways of talking and dealing with one another. This will make the new member feel like an outsider.

Always be looking for new pastors who come to town. There is not greater gift you can give to a new pastor than to invite him into a community of friends. I can’t speak to this personally, but I know one of our members would and he has been one of the greatest joys for me personally.

STEP 5 “PICK A SILAS”: There are three keys to having a Samson Society, each of them equal in importance. Having a meeting, having a meeting after the meeting, and having a Silas. I can only speak for myself, but I felt good about having the first two and neglected the third for some time. I know a couple other guys who did the same. When we finally let go of that and accepted the need for pursuing Silas relationships we went to the next level individually and as a group. Make sure you emphasize this in your meetings and explain the purpose and methods of Silas relationships. (If you are unfamiliar with this concept, read up on it further in Samson and the Pirate Monks.)

STEP 6 “PLAN A RETREAT”: At least once a year, carve out three or four days to go somewhere together and just rest. How much programming you do for that weekend is up to the group. This will take each of you to new levels of friendship and intimacy. Living in a space together will encourage parts of your personality to come out that would never come out in a meeting. That alone might be terrifying because we can all put on a Samson meeting mask. You might be genuinely afraid of the other guys getting to know some aspects of who you are. On the retreat you may just learn that the other men in your fellowship are able and willing to take the whole package and love you just the same. Don’t miss out on that.

STEP 7 “BRING THE BRIDES”: This is the final frontier for our group. (Though I hope I am wrong and we will find a step 8 and 9 in the years to come.) We have had a couple of dinners with our families so that our wives can meet the men who are pouring into our lives and have an opportunity to connect and support each other. Our first two dinners were in a members house and they were great, however, planning a meal for the amount of men and families that are now in our fellowship it a big undertaking. We are now committed to simply scheduling a dinner at a restaurant every six weeks or so and just seeing who shows up. We are not trying to accommodate everyone’s schedule, if only three couples show up, fantastic! We just want consistency of community with our families. The benefits to including your families are amazing. I know personally, my wife has felt the love of this group. While I was out of town just a week ago, six members of the group brought dinner for my wife and four kids. I knew that while I was away, my family was being cared for by the men in my life that I trust the most and that was an amazing feeling.

These are the first seven steps that I would put forth to the pastor who wants to create a life changing community of men within his community. My deepest prayer is that by pursuing this goal, the desert of isolation would be transformed in your life and you would find yourself in Eden once again. Please call or write if you have any questions or want to talk through some of these issues or experiences. All of the Pastor Pirates on this website stand ready to serve you to the best of their ability.