SEPARATION

Friendship and Discipleship for Men

Posted by Rich aka S. W. N. on May 2, 2008 at 9:54am

Last night my wife, after two weeks of giving me the silent treatment, has decided that she wants a separation. She has made it clear that this is in no way a divorce. She is not seeking to see other people, she will even agree to marriage counseling again, once we are separated. I am agreeing to her decision, and trusting that God's hand is in it. Please pray for me in this situation, and please pray for her heart.

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Permalink Reply by Rich aka S. W. N. on May 5, 2008 at 9:18am: I just emailed her and said I want to have 1 session together with a counselor before I sign a lease agreement. I think it would be wise before I enter into a costly contract that will impact us both financially.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Jared England on May 5, 2008 at 10:18am: Rich, Riley, I've been through the same thing. Keep in mind that her emotions are ALL OVER THE PLACE! You cannot take all of what she is doing to heart...she is hurting just like you. Also, if you are living in the light of God, then expect to be attacked...by her, by the enemy, and by the world. They will see you living right and hate it. Understand that we all go through trials and this is one in which you are going through. Expect to be tried, tempted, beat up on, all of it. Remember we will not only share in His glory but in His suffering as well. I'll keep praying.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by leandro on May 8, 2008 at 9:58pm: I married once and lived with a woman for three years. I am also a child of divorce. Every situation is different, but there is one thing I have learned. You cannot focus on what she does, it will only drive you nuts. Every time you think you got an idea what's going on things will change. I know how hard it is not to think about it, but thinking about it only makes it worse. Sometimes I would get so angry I could choke the life out of someone, a couple of hours later I felt I was rotting from the inside out, a little later I was looking at other women and thinking "Hell with her." The best thing to do is to ask God what He wants you to learn from this. Patience is the key, it is also very hard to grasp. Try not to let what she does get to you, odds are she is just as confused as you. You cannot control what she does, but you can control how you respond. Work on getting yourself right with God, that way no matter what happens you are in the right. I will be praying for both of you guys and your wives.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Rich aka S. W. N. on May 9, 2008 at 11:06am: Thanks man, that was really powerful and really spoke to how I've been feeling. I really did go through all the same motions you just mentioned. God really is calling just to let go, for the moment anyway. What led me to this conclusion was to focus not on what she said, but the emotions she expressed. She is hurt and sad. And it seems that the more I do, even seeking the Lord and acting on good intentions seems to hurt her even more. As a husband who loves her, I do not wish to see her hurt and wounded. Being that it appears that action on my part seems to wound her even more, I believe that I do need to just step back. The scripture that I keep thinking about is the story when the two women came before Solomon both claiming to be the mother of a baby. Solomon saw that their arguing back and forth was not going to solve anything so he said, "Cut the baby in half, and they can both have a piece!" He never had any intention to do that, but he had that Godly wisdom to be able to determine the true mother based on their reactions. The one woman said, "Go ahead, cut the baby in half!" Not a very loving response. The true mother, knowing that such an act would kill her baby, risked losing the baby to the other woman said, "She can have the baby." Her love for the baby, saw that the baby's health and life were more important than her being able to raise the baby herself. She took a risk, Solomon saw that as true motherly love, and gave her custody. I feel like I am at a point now where I can be like one of those two women. Do I keep fighting directly and continue to hurt her? Or do I let go and pray, risk losing her, but trust that God will rescue her whether or not that means restoring our marriage? Our next session is not until the 26th and we are to have no contact until then. So I have a few weeks to pray and meditate on this. Just that God would even bring this scripture to my mind brings peace to my heart. Thanks for your prayers and please continue.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Tony Hamilton on May 5, 2008 at 9:21am: Will be praying for you Rich and your wife. Thankfully, she is willing to do counseling, etc. She just needs a little time out/space.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Gary on May 5, 2008 at 9:57am: Rich, I am praying that you will have time to be still and listen to the Holy Spirit. God IS in this, even though it doesn't seem like it, He is! I will pray for you and your wife.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by John B on May 5, 2008 at 10:06am: I am walking this path myself right now Rich, so if you'd like to talk about it I'd be more than happy to share. Just drop me a message.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Upstate Buddy #211 on May 5, 2008 at 12:34pm: Am praying for you today too...

UsB211; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by H on May 5, 2008 at 10:18pm: God's blessings to you and your wife, brother. I pray that this would be the Refiner's fire- to heal and restore your marriage. May the Light of Christ shine in your life.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Rich aka S. W. N. on May 6, 2008 at 1:54pm: Thank you everybody who have shared encouraging words with me. It has been a real comfort knowing that all of you, men who I don't even know outside of this little virtual community, have been praying for me. Right now I feel like I am gettig clobbered, but I know that no matter what happens, my Father loves me.; ▶ Reply to This